He commits suicide, but does he die?

It was 8 pm on a Friday evening. He was standing on the edge of the open terrace of his office building. It was a thirteen floor buliding overlooking a busy street. He saw the vehicles speeding away on the road below. 'Mean streets'! Rain was coming down in small drops. He had always loved the rain. But not today. He was planning to jump off from the altitude. He was sick of the people, the objects, the emotions associated with them and particularly, of himself. He thought about the triviality of the world around him, and the thought made him to allow himself a wry smile.

Anyone may be forgiven. But not those who lack the courage of their own greatness. Not me. I was not born to be a second-hander. What have I done to myself? I do not deserve forgiveness. And I do not believe in any person other than me forgiving myself. I love myself. I have always done and I have always lived for myself. But why is my thought process diametrically opposite to that of the world. Why does each and every route, every concept, every opinion in this damn world always lead to sacrifice and love for others. Doesn't this give the impression of every person in the world being a bootlicking sucker.

Thoughts crowded his brain, and he was unable to take it any more. Over the last few minutes, he had developed a severe headache and the pain was excruciating. He was unable to take it anymore. he had to put a full stop to the nonsense. he had to take the next step. He moved ahead, he stumbled a little, but he was ok. It was over quickly, suddenly he felt light and feather-like. He was sinking, out of this demented world.

Ram woke up with a jerk on his bed. He had sweat beads across his forehead. He felt exhausted. He searched for his alarm clock to check the time. It was 3am in the morning. 'What a nightmare'! He reached for a the waterjug and poured it into the glass beside it. He drifted back to sleep after sometime. He did not want to think about the dream again. 'What if it was true....'

TR the great

Pure joy!

Understanding Tamil is not mandatory for enjoying this masterpiece. Just that knowing the language multiplies the humour.

More fun can be found here
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=t+r+comedy+time&search=Search

PS: I have become a Chitti Babu fan after watching this.

The Thiru-Thani story

Thanigaachalam was standing before the mirror in the Men's Restroom at his office. He splashed water on his face. He felt the cold drops streaming down his face. He smirked at the satire of the later half of his name sounding like jalam, which meant water in his mother tongue. The wrinkles that he had recently developed were a clear sign of the stress he had been under. He thought about everyting - the torrid time he had been having under his rude manager, Thirumoorthy. Its been 4 full years, he thought. He had worked his heart out without rewards. "Attention to details is missing" would be the standard remark from his manager. I deserved more, he thought. I always did. He instinctively wanted to break the glass in the mirror. But the thought of the last hour stopped him. He felt happy.

There was a vacancy for a position that matched his profile in a competitor's organization. He had seen the ad in the jobs section of "The Daily Siren", the local newspaper and had hurriedly applied for it. He made the job quite easily. The new location was closer to his home, saving him a full 4 km travel daily and the rise in salary was highly appreciable. Everything is going to end. No more invidious remarks from the manager. He took out paper napkins from the dispenser nearby to clean his face.

Thanigaachalam entered the posh building of his new organization. The relieving process in his old firm was surprisingly smooth. He was surprised when Thirumoorthy offered minimal resistance in releasing him. "The fact that he does not like me made it easier" he thought to himself. He spoke with the receptionist who guided him to the 7th floor to meet his new manager and team. He could feel the anticipation brimming inside him. He had never felt better. He took the elevator and walked up the floor briskly and asked the security "Where is the cabin of Manager, Operations". "Fourth one on the left saar". He located it and was surprised to see no Name plate on the cabin door. "Strange" he thought. On stepping inside, Thanigaachalam almost fainted. There he was, Thirumoorthy in all his glory.

"Welcome Thani. It is great to see you here." Thiru smiled
"Sir, How come you are here?" Thani blurted out
"I am Manager, Operations for this company Thani. I joined yesterday. There was an ad on The Daily Siren which directed me here. I wanted to keep it a secret from you since I wanted to give you a surprise. I am very happy and consider myself fortunate to get to work with someone I know already. Isn't it?"
"Err. Yes sir. Me too"
"You look so tired. I think you can do with some water. By the way, did you also make the job through the ad on The Daily Siren. I saw a vacancy for your position right above mine"
Thanigaachalam remembered water and jalam, but was not amused. "If only I had read the contents of the ad properly. Attention to details" he thought.

Honour to be there

I was there.. I saw them live!!! The fact that Deep Purple selected India among all countries in Asia to be a part of their Rapture of the Deep promotional tour was a major surprise by itself. Once we got to know of it, there was no question at all. Tickets were booked promptly and off we went. Till the moment they appeared on stage, anyone could have convinced me that it was a hoax. It is not everyday that one of the pioneers of rock make tours, considering that the average age of the band is 60. We saw glimpses of Ian Gillan walking across the stage and it was reassuring. Once they kicked it off, the pace was electric. The more popular numbers were held back for the end. Things I never said, Into the fire, Rapture of the deep, When a blind man cries, Wrong man, Space Truckin' were all there. Interspersed were eccentric solos from Steve Morse and Don Airey. Then they rounded it off with Highway Star, Smoke on the Water, Hush and Black Night. Two hours whizzed past like twenty minutes.. What an evening!!! Was a privilege to watch the legends in action.

PS: I had promised to post this earlier. But I had to hold it back to appease my buddy laziness.

Fat man........

Dont want to be a fat man,
People would think that I was
Just good fun.

Too much to carry around with you,
No chance of finding a woman who
Will love you in the morning and all the night time too.

I seen the other side to being thin.
Roll us both down a mountain
And Im sure the fat man would win.

-- Courtesy: 'Fat man' by Jethro Tull

A tribute to / criticism of my expanding waistline!!!!!!

A makeover

Blog: Dude, are you there?
Me: Am right here mate.
Blog: I need an image makeover.
Me: Why? You look real good.
Blog: I am worthless, just like you. All I do on the web is to occupy space and no one looks at me.
Me: What about my established readership?
Blog: Ahem....
Me: Ok. Here you go. My belated Diwali gift to you.
Blog: I could have done with a customised one, u dumb ass!!!

Back to square one....

1. Back at Hyderabad after spending an extended Diwali weekend at home. The spiralling aviation fuel costs meant that I no longer had the luxury of travelling via air. The drawling train ride was a major bore. Getting back to work right after such a long trip is not an exciting prospect. The journey home is never too long, but the one back from home, definitely is.
2. The weekend at home was terrific fun. Spent some quality time with Mom, Sis and her kids. And catching up with friends at Coimbatore is one event I always look forward to.
3. The forthcoming 10-15 days are going to be hectic at work.
4. I am almost through with Steve Waugh's 'Out of my Comfort Zone'. No doubt a marathon effort, considering the mammonth size of the book (reminded me of my Fluid Mechanics textbook - it never failed to give me the blues at college), but it is well and truly worth it. An amazingly well written autobiography by one of the greatest exponents of the game. Planning a post on this, when I find time.

Shoaib Akhtar switches to Major League Baseball...

... after testing positive for Nandrolone, a performance enhancing drug, during the ICC Champions Trophy, and due to the repeated reports of his questionable action, the fastest chucker in the world decided to take up a sport in which chucking was official and the offer from Pittsburgh Pirates to be their number 1 pitcher was just the boost that his sagging career wanted. Speaking to newspersons, he was quoted as saying "I want to bowl as many balls as possible for the Pirates", which clearly shows he is not entirely comfortable with the baseball terminologies yet. No wonder the other teams in the league cannot wait to face up to him!!!

Like only ICC can

The BCCI has decided to include Mohammad Azharuddin in a list of prominent cricketers and officials that it plans to honour in a function next month. The ICC, apparently is not amused.

"The ICC has a zero tolerance zone to corruption and we'd like our members to have a similar zero tolerance in this matter," ICC spokesman Brian Murgatroyd told The Associated Press on Friday.

Surprising, considering the fact that Shane Warne and Herschelle Gibbs who have admitted accepting money from bookies, are still allowed to smell the green. And one should not forget Warnie's partner in crime, the graceful Mark Waugh. All that these guys needed to shell out was a pittance as penalty.

To be fair to the BCCI - whom I am not a great fan of, in a lot of other issues - it has dealt with the matchfixing cases in India pretty severely. It meted out strict punishments to Azhar, Jadeja (who was undoubtedly a star in the making)and other also-rans like Ajay Sharma who cashed in.

I think, the ICC just produced a crosscourt backhand, that Roger Federer would be proud of!!!

Coffee anyone

I know you will be surprised and even scared to hear this. The coffee vending machine in the pantry is haunted. It makes strange noises when someone tries to disturb its slumber by pressing a button. The noises can vary from howling of a wolf to the whirling of a turbine. Depends on its mood, basically. It is obvious that it does not want disturbance, but no one seems to mind, except the security guard who was on duty on that fateful night when he saw the coffee machine walking down the floor at 2 am. The guard was admitted and had to be dripped half a gallon of coffee.

Don't think. Just speak out....

Said Meera, when she tagged me.....

I am thinking about...
Err... Lemme think!!!

I said...
U heard it

I want to...
Shoot 'em in the face!

I wish...
..for a pot of gold.

I hear…
..the sound my hair makes when it grows

I wonder...
.. What makes her frigging hot

I regret...
.. being allergic to hot bodies

I am...
.. perfect

I dance...
.. when I wait in front of the occupied bathroom

I sing...
.. so well that not even I can stand listening to it. But u have to do some things in your life for your friends.. Sigh!!!

I cry...
.. Nah.. Not for moi...

I am not always...
... a sick psychopath, all blown up in my head

I make with my hands...
... Namaste, with the hands pressed together, palms touching, in front of the chest... Hehe.. U beleived it?

I write...
... this letter to you with tears rolling down my eyes.. Sniff Sob.. Poda vennai..

I confuse...
... others (Hah. That was easy)

I need...
... sleep

I tag my bro....

$ In love $ ??

I was on the bus back to Hyderabad from Tirupathi. I had been there to attend my friend's wedding. It was around 9 pm at night and they had switched the lights off in the bus. It was dark. I increased the volume in my mp3 player to save myself from the Telugu movie that was roaring at full volume in the bus. The hero, twice the size of a half-burnt matchstick, was beating the hell out of the poor villain who was just about as thick as oak tree, and the background music referred to the hero as a macho man. I thanked God and Sandisk for creating Mp3 Players. I closed my eyes. AR Rahman was singing 'New York Nagaram'.

Am I in love?

I was unable to sleep. All my six (I do have 6) senses were filled with thoughts about her. In my path of stones, is there a flower-bed. Why does she need to disturb me by appearing regularly in my dreams? What is stopping her getting rid of this whole thing and come rushing to me? This was not the first time that my thoughts have swerved towards her. I have been thinking of her day and night. There was something in her that made her and only her special.

I was deaf to the sounds that surrounded me - to the rumbling noise of the bus, to the gyrations of the pair on TV, to the heavy duty snoring of the guy in my opposite seat, to everything...

Am I in love?

The silent environment made my decision making process easier. I am in love. But, what do I do next? Talking to her is next to impossible, because ever since I knew her no one has ever dared spoken to her. Even those who have tried, have done so in vain, without any reply from her. She rarely opens her mouth. Infact, she never opens her mouth!!! Is she dumb?? I dont care. I am in love, and that is all I know. Sometimes standing still can be the best move that you ever make.... But will that help me solve this issue?? My friends, any ideas??

I have been grappling with this question for a while now. I am even contemplating changing the second half of my name to match her name. I love her. I really do love money. I have just a few hundreds in my bank and I have run up huge debts. I could think of nothing else, other than that beautiful vamp!!! And henceforth, when any of you write to me, address me as $aimoney.

Eye am not ant-agonistic

Just about daybreak for him. He opened his eyes, very slightly, to take a look at his clock. It was 7.55 am. He can easily slip in 5 more minutes of sleep. He grinned sheepishly inside and closed his eyes again. He was woken up in a harsh way. It was extremely painful. It was a cowardly act of the highest order, since it was done when he was sleeping. He did not realise what had actually happened at the beginning. Only when he tried to take stock of the situation by opening his eyes, did he realise that his right eyelid was too heavy. "Yikes!! It has a bulge.." he exclaimed. He had just been bitten right on his right eyelid - Yes, thats right, no left - when he had been enjoying the guilty pleasure of the extra 5 minutes of his morning sleep.. He was furious. He could see from the corner of his right eye, the convict running across his pillow. The convict told him that he was repentant for his actions. He forgave the ant, but could not forget the incident because the swollen right eye irritated him while writing this post.

May God bless his eye!!!

If Bridge left Chelsea......

Chelsea's Left back Wayne Bridge should stop feeling insecure of his spot given the blues' new signing Khalid Boulahrouz. There is no way that Jose Mourinho would let Bridge go from Stamford Bridge, because if Bridge leaves, then Mourinho would be left only with Stamford.... And since they do not own any player with the name Stamford, it would effectively mean that Chelsea would be left without a home arena

I am hungry!!!!

Ass u like it...

Visited a close friend of mine during the weekend, who gave me the vital piece of information that there were absolutely no donkeys in China... The conversation went like this:

Moi: How was ur China trip?
Friend: It was great!!! A lot better than I expected??
Moi: Did u get to eat all those exotic dishes??
Friend: Yep!!! i ate ..... (She went on with the list of dishes which included almost all of the existing species, except horses, donkeys and a few wild animals)
Moi: Now, that is quite a list.. Why did u miss out on horses??
Friend: Too big for me to digest. I thought u would be more interested in the places I visited, u a**hole!!!
Moi: Ah, that reminds me.. What about donkeys??
Friend: There are no donkeys in China!!!
Moi: Why, have they already eaten up all of them??
Friend: I really dont know, man!!! I sometimes wonder how people can exist without asses...
Moi: Machaa!!! Its just that donkeys and asses are mutually exclusive. An ass can take multiple forms, but a donkey is always a donkey.
Friend: I am deliberating...
Moi: About what??
Friend: Whether to skin u alive or to roast u??
Moi: That would make u an 'Ass''ass'in.. U just refuse to come out of the asses debate, do u!! Now, u would say that England and Australia would be competing for 'The Asses' instead of 'The Ashes'...
Friend: Aarrgghhh!!!

I was in the bus back to Hyderabad within 5 minutes of the conversation...

An Untold Story: Part II

This is Part II of 'The Untold Story'. Read the Preface and Part I before reading further.

Kaptaan, in the meantime, was already preparing himself for the battle ahead. He knew that this would not be easy, even for him. He called for a meeting with his loyalists and explained his plan of action. His comrades, like always, did not get a word of what he said during the meeting due to the omnipresent ear jarring music that goes on in the background whenever Kaptaan delivers an inspirational speech. They nodded indicating their approval of the plan.

Leaders world over were not convinced with Kaptaan when he refused to reveal his plans to them, at the emergency meeting at Kondichettipatty - KCP.

'Huh.. This is absurd.' chuckled Gargle 'Who gave u this idea?'

'Mr.Gargle... There is only one person in this world who gives me ideas. And that is my Sengamalam.'

'Senga...what!!! yuck.... Whatever... Who is this? Your wife, girl friend??'

'Nope!!! Sengamalam is my cow. I can be without anyone, but my Senga'

Sengamalam was listening to this via the Radio Frequency Decoder Headphones designed just for her. Kaptaan had gifted it to her during the previous Maattu Pongal. She was moved and her eyes filled with tears!!!!

The leaders had no other option left. Reluctantly they gave a go-ahead to Kaptaan's mizzon. Kaptaan, as expected, completed the mizzon successfully. He not only saved the planet, but also killed all the aliens. People all over the world were relieved, and Madurai was acknowledged as a superpower. The US President, however, was curious to know how Kaptaan managed to outwit the aliens.

'Kaptaan, Tell me something. How did u do it?'

'Gargle, Dont u know how to do it??'

'Ah, Kaptaan. No jokes please. They suck!!!'

'Ok. I came to know from reliable sources, that the aliens were planning to unleash a high-intensity Laser beam that would destroy the Planet in seconds. So I kept a mirror in the path of the beam.'

'So, u are the real Beam-boy, eh!!! But how come the aliens did not notice the glass??'

'Huh, Gargle... It was SAINT GOBAIN'

Gargle faints.

Kaptaan says 'When in doubt, dont shudder. Just grab the rudder and milk the udder'

Senga felt happy!!!

I am sorry!!!

The American submarines refused to sink because they defined the variables as float....... How distraught can a man get when he was unsuccessful in improving the performance of his search engine even after pouring 2 litres of Engine Oil into the floppy disk. He even tried the CD-ROM. Alas, it was read-only. Gimme a break... You seem to be expecting Pepsi to come up with a new and improved Pep-C++ soon... I really apologise for my insanity.. Its just that my computer is not booting up. Maybe the internal buses are on strike!!!

I am sorry!!!

An Untold Story: Part I

This is Part I of 'An Untold Story'. The preface can be found here

Rains have been quite hard this year and the entire city has been flooded at this point of time. But the Rain Gods were in no mood to relent, with rains lashing across all parts of the state. It was 2 am on a Sunday morning. It was a time when the entire Dumeelkuppam locality was asleep, except one man. He was sitting in front of his computer, and analysing the globe's latest developments on crime, using a Windows media player (Yes, Thats our hero). Random mouse clicks and Enter key strokes marked his acknowledgement of the impending grave danger to Planet Earth. He typed some stuff furiously on the monitor and then turned to show his face. Out of nowhere, a garland of roses came flying to grace his shoulders. He thanked the Almighty, let out a little smile and went to sleep. Deep within, Kaptaan knew that he was 'The One' chosen to save Mother Earth.

Tomiyaami Aguckhi saw an email with priority level set to 'Highest' flashing on her desktop. Aguckhi was 22 year old, a bit short, but nevertheless very good looking. She did her graduation in the Tom Yum Kum University in Japan, and she was working as the seceretary to the Japanese President. She opened the attachment in the email, and she could see, ofcourse on the Windows Media Player, Kaptaan speaking in Tamil. Aguckhi was well versed with the Tamil language, so were the thousands of Presidential seceretaries across the globe. Kaptaan had proactively arranged an intensive training camp for them in Madurai, the previous year. Kaptaan said "Aliens from planet XXX are planning to launch a massive attack on our planet. The date though not very clear is not too far. We are running out of time."

'Houston.. We have an issue here... An impending alien attack not far away... Wake up the President, the White House Resident.. Yay!! That rhymes... Over and Out...'

The American President's dreams on the German Chancellor were cut short by the SOS message. The President was understandably not pleased. He called up the British Prime Minister.

'Trony. Did u hear the news?'

'Yes Gargle'

'Damn you Trony. Didn't I tell you to call me Gorgeous?'

'Duh, huh!! Yes yes.. Just that calling you by that name is a bit difficult to Gargle, err digest'
'Anyways, What do you mean by aliens?? Are they Lebanese?'

'I am not very sure. Intelligence reports say they are from some other planet. Is there a Lebanon outside Earth'

'May be. You never know!! What do we do now??'

'What about an emergency meeting with all the G8 members or the UN Security Council or an Al Jazeera statement?'

'I do not think those ideas will work. The only solution lies in calling up Kaptaan'

'Kaptaan!!! Who is this Kaptaan?'

Before he could finish the question Sin a time Sittaal, the famous footballer appears out of nowhere and drills his head right into Trony's chest.

'You deserve this for your ignorance about the world's saviour Kaptaan'

'Xavier?? Is he Xavier or Kaptaan??' queries Gargle, apparently confused between saviour and Xavier.

.... to be continued ......

An Untold Story: Preface

Hi folks!!! The following is my report of the undercover operation that took place very recently. I realise that most of you would not be aware of this event. This operation was deliberately kept secret from the public, as even a speck of information leaked could have proved fatal for the future of mankind. Now sit back and try to enjoy!!!

Warning:
This article is not recommended for non-pregnant married women. If you are a non-pregnant married female, you have better things to do than to read this stupid story.

The original names have been changed to protect the identities!!!

A special thanks to all the mosquitos of Chennai's Dumeelkuppam, for helping the hero to accomplish his mizzon (spelling intentional), by keeping him awake at night.

So here goes!!!

I walk a....

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone