A wonderful album and a 10th standard mokkai...

There is still hope left in Hindi film music. There is someone other than AR Rahman to provide quality. Pritam reminds us with his latest offering 'Life in a Metro' that he definitely has it in him to make it big. Amidst all the mindless crap churned out in the name of music, here comes a wonderful album, one which can be truly stated as different. 'In Dino' is my favourite, and all the other songs are immensely listen-able. Pritam, Take a bow!

Anu Malik, Himesh and the likes - Take a piss!

Now, an old innocent mokkai - PJ, for the uninitiated - for the benefit of humanity (courtesy Dinesh).

Once 24 Ants went for swimming. An elephant came there for taking bath. When he jumped into the river 23 of the ants were thrown to the bank. The remaining warrior found himself displaced to the head of the elephant. Then all the 23 Ants shouted..... "AVANA AMUKKI KOLLUDA" mapla!

'I want to be walk off the cricket field with a walking stick' - Vaughan

Speaking to the press on the wake of England's exit from the World Cup, the English captain Michael Vaughan was his usual self, effusive in praise of his team. "We had a gameplan, which was to suck in all departments, and as usual, we executed it without any glitches. The lads played upto their potential and all the efforts that we have not put in did not go in vain."

When quizzed on individual performances, Vaughan did not pull any punches back "I always back myself not to score runs, since I was leading the team and a real English captain never scores runs. Freddie, understandably, did not want to spend too much time in the middle with the bat since he has always thought that beer is a man's best friend. KP was as selfish as ever. Collingwood and Bell tried spoiling our party, but they weren't successful, were they?" he remarked with an evil grin.

A few years down the line, a walking stick might soon replace the cricket bat in the familiar sight of Michael Vaughan walking back to the pavilion

"The bowling has been excellent throughout the tournament. Sajid Mahmood and James Andersen have bowling averages more than the batting averages of greats like Sachin, Lara and Ponting. Take that Ricky" he roared demonstrating the fierce Ashes rivalry with the Aussie captain.

Vaughan also promised to carry forward the rich legacy of English captains and players playing on pointlessly well after their shelf-life. "It is a well known fact that Graham Gooch, Mike Gatting, Alec Stewart and many others were not in their primes when they retired. I want to take it one step ahead. I want to be walk off the cricket field with a walking stick" he coughed.

"The future definitely looks bright for English cricket. There are a lot of positives to take forward, especially with youngsters like Paul Nixon - who was blessed with a grandson recently - showing their potential and teenagers like Mal Loye waiting in the wings." he concluded.

BCCI shocker to Rajnikanth fans

In an unprecedented move, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has called for a ban against the song 'Sahara Saaral thoovudo' from the much anticipated Rajnikanth blockbuster Sivaji. The reason, apparently, is that the BCCI feels that such a pathetic song being propagated by heavyweights like Rajnikanth and AR Rahman seriously dents the image of their official sponsors Sahara.

Commenting on the issue, the BCCI Seceretary Mr.Niranjan Shah said "It is a sad state of affairs that we have in our hands. A sorry song like this coming from the music maestro Sachin Tendulkar himself seriously tarnishes the reputation of the official sponsors of Team India. I did not expect this from Sachin." evidently confusing Tendulkar with AR Rahman.

Sources close to Dinesh Karthik claim that he is extremeley disppointed by BCCI's appeal. He is supposed to have said "First they say I cannot speak to the media. Now I cannot even listen to Thalaivar's song. What next, ban on Namitha movies?"

Sri Lankan ace spinner Muttiah Muralitharan, who is a Thalaivar fan himself was vehement in expressing opposition. "They can stop us from hearing the song. But no one can stop me from singing it. Sahara Saaral Thoovodo, Bopara Bowled Aanado..." he quipped, manifesting his delight at winning against England.

BCCI received unexpected support from England Skipper Michael Vaughan. "I wholeheartedly support the voice of BCCI. This whole sledging thing by Murali has to be investigated. And there is no drinking culture in the team. Ulla-la-la-leyo, hic hic" he hicked before retiring with a sprained ankle.

"This is totally ridiculous. Perform or perish. Chappell must quit." howled Former Indian Captain Kris Srikanth on CNN-IBN in response to the question "Is Rajnikanth finally growing up?" put forward by Rajdeep Sardesai.

Other prominent Chennai Thalaivar fanatics like Lakshmipathy Balaji, WV Raman and Dennis Lillee were unavailable for comment.

TR the great

Pure joy!

Understanding Tamil is not mandatory for enjoying this masterpiece. Just that knowing the language multiplies the humour.

More fun can be found here
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=t+r+comedy+time&search=Search

PS: I have become a Chitti Babu fan after watching this.

The Thiru-Thani story

Thanigaachalam was standing before the mirror in the Men's Restroom at his office. He splashed water on his face. He felt the cold drops streaming down his face. He smirked at the satire of the later half of his name sounding like jalam, which meant water in his mother tongue. The wrinkles that he had recently developed were a clear sign of the stress he had been under. He thought about everyting - the torrid time he had been having under his rude manager, Thirumoorthy. Its been 4 full years, he thought. He had worked his heart out without rewards. "Attention to details is missing" would be the standard remark from his manager. I deserved more, he thought. I always did. He instinctively wanted to break the glass in the mirror. But the thought of the last hour stopped him. He felt happy.

There was a vacancy for a position that matched his profile in a competitor's organization. He had seen the ad in the jobs section of "The Daily Siren", the local newspaper and had hurriedly applied for it. He made the job quite easily. The new location was closer to his home, saving him a full 4 km travel daily and the rise in salary was highly appreciable. Everything is going to end. No more invidious remarks from the manager. He took out paper napkins from the dispenser nearby to clean his face.

Thanigaachalam entered the posh building of his new organization. The relieving process in his old firm was surprisingly smooth. He was surprised when Thirumoorthy offered minimal resistance in releasing him. "The fact that he does not like me made it easier" he thought to himself. He spoke with the receptionist who guided him to the 7th floor to meet his new manager and team. He could feel the anticipation brimming inside him. He had never felt better. He took the elevator and walked up the floor briskly and asked the security "Where is the cabin of Manager, Operations". "Fourth one on the left saar". He located it and was surprised to see no Name plate on the cabin door. "Strange" he thought. On stepping inside, Thanigaachalam almost fainted. There he was, Thirumoorthy in all his glory.

"Welcome Thani. It is great to see you here." Thiru smiled
"Sir, How come you are here?" Thani blurted out
"I am Manager, Operations for this company Thani. I joined yesterday. There was an ad on The Daily Siren which directed me here. I wanted to keep it a secret from you since I wanted to give you a surprise. I am very happy and consider myself fortunate to get to work with someone I know already. Isn't it?"
"Err. Yes sir. Me too"
"You look so tired. I think you can do with some water. By the way, did you also make the job through the ad on The Daily Siren. I saw a vacancy for your position right above mine"
Thanigaachalam remembered water and jalam, but was not amused. "If only I had read the contents of the ad properly. Attention to details" he thought.

Fat man........

Dont want to be a fat man,
People would think that I was
Just good fun.

Too much to carry around with you,
No chance of finding a woman who
Will love you in the morning and all the night time too.

I seen the other side to being thin.
Roll us both down a mountain
And Im sure the fat man would win.

-- Courtesy: 'Fat man' by Jethro Tull

A tribute to / criticism of my expanding waistline!!!!!!

Shoaib Akhtar switches to Major League Baseball...

... after testing positive for Nandrolone, a performance enhancing drug, during the ICC Champions Trophy, and due to the repeated reports of his questionable action, the fastest chucker in the world decided to take up a sport in which chucking was official and the offer from Pittsburgh Pirates to be their number 1 pitcher was just the boost that his sagging career wanted. Speaking to newspersons, he was quoted as saying "I want to bowl as many balls as possible for the Pirates", which clearly shows he is not entirely comfortable with the baseball terminologies yet. No wonder the other teams in the league cannot wait to face up to him!!!

$ In love $ ??

I was on the bus back to Hyderabad from Tirupathi. I had been there to attend my friend's wedding. It was around 9 pm at night and they had switched the lights off in the bus. It was dark. I increased the volume in my mp3 player to save myself from the Telugu movie that was roaring at full volume in the bus. The hero, twice the size of a half-burnt matchstick, was beating the hell out of the poor villain who was just about as thick as oak tree, and the background music referred to the hero as a macho man. I thanked God and Sandisk for creating Mp3 Players. I closed my eyes. AR Rahman was singing 'New York Nagaram'.

Am I in love?

I was unable to sleep. All my six (I do have 6) senses were filled with thoughts about her. In my path of stones, is there a flower-bed. Why does she need to disturb me by appearing regularly in my dreams? What is stopping her getting rid of this whole thing and come rushing to me? This was not the first time that my thoughts have swerved towards her. I have been thinking of her day and night. There was something in her that made her and only her special.

I was deaf to the sounds that surrounded me - to the rumbling noise of the bus, to the gyrations of the pair on TV, to the heavy duty snoring of the guy in my opposite seat, to everything...

Am I in love?

The silent environment made my decision making process easier. I am in love. But, what do I do next? Talking to her is next to impossible, because ever since I knew her no one has ever dared spoken to her. Even those who have tried, have done so in vain, without any reply from her. She rarely opens her mouth. Infact, she never opens her mouth!!! Is she dumb?? I dont care. I am in love, and that is all I know. Sometimes standing still can be the best move that you ever make.... But will that help me solve this issue?? My friends, any ideas??

I have been grappling with this question for a while now. I am even contemplating changing the second half of my name to match her name. I love her. I really do love money. I have just a few hundreds in my bank and I have run up huge debts. I could think of nothing else, other than that beautiful vamp!!! And henceforth, when any of you write to me, address me as $aimoney.

Ass u like it...

Visited a close friend of mine during the weekend, who gave me the vital piece of information that there were absolutely no donkeys in China... The conversation went like this:

Moi: How was ur China trip?
Friend: It was great!!! A lot better than I expected??
Moi: Did u get to eat all those exotic dishes??
Friend: Yep!!! i ate ..... (She went on with the list of dishes which included almost all of the existing species, except horses, donkeys and a few wild animals)
Moi: Now, that is quite a list.. Why did u miss out on horses??
Friend: Too big for me to digest. I thought u would be more interested in the places I visited, u a**hole!!!
Moi: Ah, that reminds me.. What about donkeys??
Friend: There are no donkeys in China!!!
Moi: Why, have they already eaten up all of them??
Friend: I really dont know, man!!! I sometimes wonder how people can exist without asses...
Moi: Machaa!!! Its just that donkeys and asses are mutually exclusive. An ass can take multiple forms, but a donkey is always a donkey.
Friend: I am deliberating...
Moi: About what??
Friend: Whether to skin u alive or to roast u??
Moi: That would make u an 'Ass''ass'in.. U just refuse to come out of the asses debate, do u!! Now, u would say that England and Australia would be competing for 'The Asses' instead of 'The Ashes'...
Friend: Aarrgghhh!!!

I was in the bus back to Hyderabad within 5 minutes of the conversation...

An Untold Story: Part II

This is Part II of 'The Untold Story'. Read the Preface and Part I before reading further.

Kaptaan, in the meantime, was already preparing himself for the battle ahead. He knew that this would not be easy, even for him. He called for a meeting with his loyalists and explained his plan of action. His comrades, like always, did not get a word of what he said during the meeting due to the omnipresent ear jarring music that goes on in the background whenever Kaptaan delivers an inspirational speech. They nodded indicating their approval of the plan.

Leaders world over were not convinced with Kaptaan when he refused to reveal his plans to them, at the emergency meeting at Kondichettipatty - KCP.

'Huh.. This is absurd.' chuckled Gargle 'Who gave u this idea?'

'Mr.Gargle... There is only one person in this world who gives me ideas. And that is my Sengamalam.'

'Senga...what!!! yuck.... Whatever... Who is this? Your wife, girl friend??'

'Nope!!! Sengamalam is my cow. I can be without anyone, but my Senga'

Sengamalam was listening to this via the Radio Frequency Decoder Headphones designed just for her. Kaptaan had gifted it to her during the previous Maattu Pongal. She was moved and her eyes filled with tears!!!!

The leaders had no other option left. Reluctantly they gave a go-ahead to Kaptaan's mizzon. Kaptaan, as expected, completed the mizzon successfully. He not only saved the planet, but also killed all the aliens. People all over the world were relieved, and Madurai was acknowledged as a superpower. The US President, however, was curious to know how Kaptaan managed to outwit the aliens.

'Kaptaan, Tell me something. How did u do it?'

'Gargle, Dont u know how to do it??'

'Ah, Kaptaan. No jokes please. They suck!!!'

'Ok. I came to know from reliable sources, that the aliens were planning to unleash a high-intensity Laser beam that would destroy the Planet in seconds. So I kept a mirror in the path of the beam.'

'So, u are the real Beam-boy, eh!!! But how come the aliens did not notice the glass??'

'Huh, Gargle... It was SAINT GOBAIN'

Gargle faints.

Kaptaan says 'When in doubt, dont shudder. Just grab the rudder and milk the udder'

Senga felt happy!!!

I am sorry!!!

The American submarines refused to sink because they defined the variables as float....... How distraught can a man get when he was unsuccessful in improving the performance of his search engine even after pouring 2 litres of Engine Oil into the floppy disk. He even tried the CD-ROM. Alas, it was read-only. Gimme a break... You seem to be expecting Pepsi to come up with a new and improved Pep-C++ soon... I really apologise for my insanity.. Its just that my computer is not booting up. Maybe the internal buses are on strike!!!

I am sorry!!!

An Untold Story: Part I

This is Part I of 'An Untold Story'. The preface can be found here

Rains have been quite hard this year and the entire city has been flooded at this point of time. But the Rain Gods were in no mood to relent, with rains lashing across all parts of the state. It was 2 am on a Sunday morning. It was a time when the entire Dumeelkuppam locality was asleep, except one man. He was sitting in front of his computer, and analysing the globe's latest developments on crime, using a Windows media player (Yes, Thats our hero). Random mouse clicks and Enter key strokes marked his acknowledgement of the impending grave danger to Planet Earth. He typed some stuff furiously on the monitor and then turned to show his face. Out of nowhere, a garland of roses came flying to grace his shoulders. He thanked the Almighty, let out a little smile and went to sleep. Deep within, Kaptaan knew that he was 'The One' chosen to save Mother Earth.

Tomiyaami Aguckhi saw an email with priority level set to 'Highest' flashing on her desktop. Aguckhi was 22 year old, a bit short, but nevertheless very good looking. She did her graduation in the Tom Yum Kum University in Japan, and she was working as the seceretary to the Japanese President. She opened the attachment in the email, and she could see, ofcourse on the Windows Media Player, Kaptaan speaking in Tamil. Aguckhi was well versed with the Tamil language, so were the thousands of Presidential seceretaries across the globe. Kaptaan had proactively arranged an intensive training camp for them in Madurai, the previous year. Kaptaan said "Aliens from planet XXX are planning to launch a massive attack on our planet. The date though not very clear is not too far. We are running out of time."

'Houston.. We have an issue here... An impending alien attack not far away... Wake up the President, the White House Resident.. Yay!! That rhymes... Over and Out...'

The American President's dreams on the German Chancellor were cut short by the SOS message. The President was understandably not pleased. He called up the British Prime Minister.

'Trony. Did u hear the news?'

'Yes Gargle'

'Damn you Trony. Didn't I tell you to call me Gorgeous?'

'Duh, huh!! Yes yes.. Just that calling you by that name is a bit difficult to Gargle, err digest'
'Anyways, What do you mean by aliens?? Are they Lebanese?'

'I am not very sure. Intelligence reports say they are from some other planet. Is there a Lebanon outside Earth'

'May be. You never know!! What do we do now??'

'What about an emergency meeting with all the G8 members or the UN Security Council or an Al Jazeera statement?'

'I do not think those ideas will work. The only solution lies in calling up Kaptaan'

'Kaptaan!!! Who is this Kaptaan?'

Before he could finish the question Sin a time Sittaal, the famous footballer appears out of nowhere and drills his head right into Trony's chest.

'You deserve this for your ignorance about the world's saviour Kaptaan'

'Xavier?? Is he Xavier or Kaptaan??' queries Gargle, apparently confused between saviour and Xavier.

.... to be continued ......

An Untold Story: Preface

Hi folks!!! The following is my report of the undercover operation that took place very recently. I realise that most of you would not be aware of this event. This operation was deliberately kept secret from the public, as even a speck of information leaked could have proved fatal for the future of mankind. Now sit back and try to enjoy!!!

Warning:
This article is not recommended for non-pregnant married women. If you are a non-pregnant married female, you have better things to do than to read this stupid story.

The original names have been changed to protect the identities!!!

A special thanks to all the mosquitos of Chennai's Dumeelkuppam, for helping the hero to accomplish his mizzon (spelling intentional), by keeping him awake at night.

So here goes!!!

Cows are demure

You thought cows were supposed to roam around in farms, eat grass and get rained on. Think again

Not for the faint of heart ;))

Anyone needs a headbutt!!!!

The last couple of days have been really tough, and I needed a break... On the lookout for some lighthearted stuff on the net, I ran into a couple of good links.

It is easy to criticise Zizou for his headbutt on Materazzi. This is precisely what everyone is doing. On the flip side, Daniel Davies of the Guardian wonders at the amazing technique of the Zidane headbutt. Read his article and challenge your friends for a headbutt match...

And if you want to know what Materazzi said to provoke Zidane, check this out and ROTFL....

I really needed this!!!

Are you feeling lucky???

Check out Google's latest product.... Good LUCK :-)


Link via India Uncut

Beating the heat

Phew... The summer has arrived and it seems that it is here to stay. Each passing day is getting hotter than the previous, and folks are flocking to the comfort of the air-conditioned office to escape the sun. Here are a couple of tips to beat the summer heat:

1. Shut yourself inside a room. Because it does not matter what temperature a room is, it is always room temperature.
2. Learn to enjoy the heat. They say that you need not be a nut to ask for a screw, but if you are a nut, then you'll definitely enjoy the screw :))...
3. I just said a couple of tips and I am a man of my words!!!!

Random Thoughts - Volume I : Voices

Cicking, typing, computer sounds, and some machine thts blowing wind, perhaps an air conditioner, 054. - Track01.mp3 playing on winamp catering to my ears through my headphones, every once in a while I hum softly, and then I realise that I am in the office and suppress the singer in me, the rumbling sound my tummy makes when its 1 pm, a group of guys chatting on their way to the pantry, the photocopier humming, phone ringing, the girl sitting in my opposite cubicle describing to three other females, listening in rapt attention, on how she manages to have a good eye brow done every single time, and then one of them screams as if she has just discovered Columbus himself, my neighbour struggling with his chewing gum chup chup chup, folks logging into the meeting place for a conference, the voices in my head, the sound of my hair growing (yeah, am concentrating real hard) and the sound of silence... Now save me, I am going insane...