$ In love $ ??

I was on the bus back to Hyderabad from Tirupathi. I had been there to attend my friend's wedding. It was around 9 pm at night and they had switched the lights off in the bus. It was dark. I increased the volume in my mp3 player to save myself from the Telugu movie that was roaring at full volume in the bus. The hero, twice the size of a half-burnt matchstick, was beating the hell out of the poor villain who was just about as thick as oak tree, and the background music referred to the hero as a macho man. I thanked God and Sandisk for creating Mp3 Players. I closed my eyes. AR Rahman was singing 'New York Nagaram'.

Am I in love?

I was unable to sleep. All my six (I do have 6) senses were filled with thoughts about her. In my path of stones, is there a flower-bed. Why does she need to disturb me by appearing regularly in my dreams? What is stopping her getting rid of this whole thing and come rushing to me? This was not the first time that my thoughts have swerved towards her. I have been thinking of her day and night. There was something in her that made her and only her special.

I was deaf to the sounds that surrounded me - to the rumbling noise of the bus, to the gyrations of the pair on TV, to the heavy duty snoring of the guy in my opposite seat, to everything...

Am I in love?

The silent environment made my decision making process easier. I am in love. But, what do I do next? Talking to her is next to impossible, because ever since I knew her no one has ever dared spoken to her. Even those who have tried, have done so in vain, without any reply from her. She rarely opens her mouth. Infact, she never opens her mouth!!! Is she dumb?? I dont care. I am in love, and that is all I know. Sometimes standing still can be the best move that you ever make.... But will that help me solve this issue?? My friends, any ideas??

I have been grappling with this question for a while now. I am even contemplating changing the second half of my name to match her name. I love her. I really do love money. I have just a few hundreds in my bank and I have run up huge debts. I could think of nothing else, other than that beautiful vamp!!! And henceforth, when any of you write to me, address me as $aimoney.

Eye am not ant-agonistic

Just about daybreak for him. He opened his eyes, very slightly, to take a look at his clock. It was 7.55 am. He can easily slip in 5 more minutes of sleep. He grinned sheepishly inside and closed his eyes again. He was woken up in a harsh way. It was extremely painful. It was a cowardly act of the highest order, since it was done when he was sleeping. He did not realise what had actually happened at the beginning. Only when he tried to take stock of the situation by opening his eyes, did he realise that his right eyelid was too heavy. "Yikes!! It has a bulge.." he exclaimed. He had just been bitten right on his right eyelid - Yes, thats right, no left - when he had been enjoying the guilty pleasure of the extra 5 minutes of his morning sleep.. He was furious. He could see from the corner of his right eye, the convict running across his pillow. The convict told him that he was repentant for his actions. He forgave the ant, but could not forget the incident because the swollen right eye irritated him while writing this post.

May God bless his eye!!!

If Bridge left Chelsea......

Chelsea's Left back Wayne Bridge should stop feeling insecure of his spot given the blues' new signing Khalid Boulahrouz. There is no way that Jose Mourinho would let Bridge go from Stamford Bridge, because if Bridge leaves, then Mourinho would be left only with Stamford.... And since they do not own any player with the name Stamford, it would effectively mean that Chelsea would be left without a home arena

I am hungry!!!!

Ass u like it...

Visited a close friend of mine during the weekend, who gave me the vital piece of information that there were absolutely no donkeys in China... The conversation went like this:

Moi: How was ur China trip?
Friend: It was great!!! A lot better than I expected??
Moi: Did u get to eat all those exotic dishes??
Friend: Yep!!! i ate ..... (She went on with the list of dishes which included almost all of the existing species, except horses, donkeys and a few wild animals)
Moi: Now, that is quite a list.. Why did u miss out on horses??
Friend: Too big for me to digest. I thought u would be more interested in the places I visited, u a**hole!!!
Moi: Ah, that reminds me.. What about donkeys??
Friend: There are no donkeys in China!!!
Moi: Why, have they already eaten up all of them??
Friend: I really dont know, man!!! I sometimes wonder how people can exist without asses...
Moi: Machaa!!! Its just that donkeys and asses are mutually exclusive. An ass can take multiple forms, but a donkey is always a donkey.
Friend: I am deliberating...
Moi: About what??
Friend: Whether to skin u alive or to roast u??
Moi: That would make u an 'Ass''ass'in.. U just refuse to come out of the asses debate, do u!! Now, u would say that England and Australia would be competing for 'The Asses' instead of 'The Ashes'...
Friend: Aarrgghhh!!!

I was in the bus back to Hyderabad within 5 minutes of the conversation...

An Untold Story: Part II

This is Part II of 'The Untold Story'. Read the Preface and Part I before reading further.

Kaptaan, in the meantime, was already preparing himself for the battle ahead. He knew that this would not be easy, even for him. He called for a meeting with his loyalists and explained his plan of action. His comrades, like always, did not get a word of what he said during the meeting due to the omnipresent ear jarring music that goes on in the background whenever Kaptaan delivers an inspirational speech. They nodded indicating their approval of the plan.

Leaders world over were not convinced with Kaptaan when he refused to reveal his plans to them, at the emergency meeting at Kondichettipatty - KCP.

'Huh.. This is absurd.' chuckled Gargle 'Who gave u this idea?'

'Mr.Gargle... There is only one person in this world who gives me ideas. And that is my Sengamalam.'

'Senga...what!!! yuck.... Whatever... Who is this? Your wife, girl friend??'

'Nope!!! Sengamalam is my cow. I can be without anyone, but my Senga'

Sengamalam was listening to this via the Radio Frequency Decoder Headphones designed just for her. Kaptaan had gifted it to her during the previous Maattu Pongal. She was moved and her eyes filled with tears!!!!

The leaders had no other option left. Reluctantly they gave a go-ahead to Kaptaan's mizzon. Kaptaan, as expected, completed the mizzon successfully. He not only saved the planet, but also killed all the aliens. People all over the world were relieved, and Madurai was acknowledged as a superpower. The US President, however, was curious to know how Kaptaan managed to outwit the aliens.

'Kaptaan, Tell me something. How did u do it?'

'Gargle, Dont u know how to do it??'

'Ah, Kaptaan. No jokes please. They suck!!!'

'Ok. I came to know from reliable sources, that the aliens were planning to unleash a high-intensity Laser beam that would destroy the Planet in seconds. So I kept a mirror in the path of the beam.'

'So, u are the real Beam-boy, eh!!! But how come the aliens did not notice the glass??'

'Huh, Gargle... It was SAINT GOBAIN'

Gargle faints.

Kaptaan says 'When in doubt, dont shudder. Just grab the rudder and milk the udder'

Senga felt happy!!!

I am sorry!!!

The American submarines refused to sink because they defined the variables as float....... How distraught can a man get when he was unsuccessful in improving the performance of his search engine even after pouring 2 litres of Engine Oil into the floppy disk. He even tried the CD-ROM. Alas, it was read-only. Gimme a break... You seem to be expecting Pepsi to come up with a new and improved Pep-C++ soon... I really apologise for my insanity.. Its just that my computer is not booting up. Maybe the internal buses are on strike!!!

I am sorry!!!

An Untold Story: Part I

This is Part I of 'An Untold Story'. The preface can be found here

Rains have been quite hard this year and the entire city has been flooded at this point of time. But the Rain Gods were in no mood to relent, with rains lashing across all parts of the state. It was 2 am on a Sunday morning. It was a time when the entire Dumeelkuppam locality was asleep, except one man. He was sitting in front of his computer, and analysing the globe's latest developments on crime, using a Windows media player (Yes, Thats our hero). Random mouse clicks and Enter key strokes marked his acknowledgement of the impending grave danger to Planet Earth. He typed some stuff furiously on the monitor and then turned to show his face. Out of nowhere, a garland of roses came flying to grace his shoulders. He thanked the Almighty, let out a little smile and went to sleep. Deep within, Kaptaan knew that he was 'The One' chosen to save Mother Earth.

Tomiyaami Aguckhi saw an email with priority level set to 'Highest' flashing on her desktop. Aguckhi was 22 year old, a bit short, but nevertheless very good looking. She did her graduation in the Tom Yum Kum University in Japan, and she was working as the seceretary to the Japanese President. She opened the attachment in the email, and she could see, ofcourse on the Windows Media Player, Kaptaan speaking in Tamil. Aguckhi was well versed with the Tamil language, so were the thousands of Presidential seceretaries across the globe. Kaptaan had proactively arranged an intensive training camp for them in Madurai, the previous year. Kaptaan said "Aliens from planet XXX are planning to launch a massive attack on our planet. The date though not very clear is not too far. We are running out of time."

'Houston.. We have an issue here... An impending alien attack not far away... Wake up the President, the White House Resident.. Yay!! That rhymes... Over and Out...'

The American President's dreams on the German Chancellor were cut short by the SOS message. The President was understandably not pleased. He called up the British Prime Minister.

'Trony. Did u hear the news?'

'Yes Gargle'

'Damn you Trony. Didn't I tell you to call me Gorgeous?'

'Duh, huh!! Yes yes.. Just that calling you by that name is a bit difficult to Gargle, err digest'
'Anyways, What do you mean by aliens?? Are they Lebanese?'

'I am not very sure. Intelligence reports say they are from some other planet. Is there a Lebanon outside Earth'

'May be. You never know!! What do we do now??'

'What about an emergency meeting with all the G8 members or the UN Security Council or an Al Jazeera statement?'

'I do not think those ideas will work. The only solution lies in calling up Kaptaan'

'Kaptaan!!! Who is this Kaptaan?'

Before he could finish the question Sin a time Sittaal, the famous footballer appears out of nowhere and drills his head right into Trony's chest.

'You deserve this for your ignorance about the world's saviour Kaptaan'

'Xavier?? Is he Xavier or Kaptaan??' queries Gargle, apparently confused between saviour and Xavier.

.... to be continued ......

An Untold Story: Preface

Hi folks!!! The following is my report of the undercover operation that took place very recently. I realise that most of you would not be aware of this event. This operation was deliberately kept secret from the public, as even a speck of information leaked could have proved fatal for the future of mankind. Now sit back and try to enjoy!!!

Warning:
This article is not recommended for non-pregnant married women. If you are a non-pregnant married female, you have better things to do than to read this stupid story.

The original names have been changed to protect the identities!!!

A special thanks to all the mosquitos of Chennai's Dumeelkuppam, for helping the hero to accomplish his mizzon (spelling intentional), by keeping him awake at night.

So here goes!!!

I walk a....

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Cows are demure

You thought cows were supposed to roam around in farms, eat grass and get rained on. Think again

Not for the faint of heart ;))

Anyone needs a headbutt!!!!

The last couple of days have been really tough, and I needed a break... On the lookout for some lighthearted stuff on the net, I ran into a couple of good links.

It is easy to criticise Zizou for his headbutt on Materazzi. This is precisely what everyone is doing. On the flip side, Daniel Davies of the Guardian wonders at the amazing technique of the Zidane headbutt. Read his article and challenge your friends for a headbutt match...

And if you want to know what Materazzi said to provoke Zidane, check this out and ROTFL....

I really needed this!!!

No subject...

7 bomb blasts rocked Mumbai yesterday. Though I do not belong to Mumbai, it is a city which is very close to my heart, and the Western Rail Line is the one I take very often when I visit my folks at Andheri. I share the grief with the millions of people in the city. I really really feel terrible for Mumbai. Hope there is a meaningful breakthrough soon.....

Take care friends.....

Are you feeling lucky???

Check out Google's latest product.... Good LUCK :-)


Link via India Uncut

The Finale

9th July 2006, Berlin, Germany. Match 64 of the FIFA World Cup 2006 - Finals - ITA 1-1 FRA a.e.t 5-3 PSO

Italy -The World Champions

FRA vs POR

5th July 2006, Munich, Germany. Match 62 of the FIFA World Cup 2006 - Semifinals - POR 0 : 1 FRA

The second semifinals was not as exciting as the first one was. France scored the lone goal of the match through a penalty kick and the 1998 champions were happy to sit back, absorb the pressure and defend for the rest of the match. The move was a dangerous one, what with Fabien Barthez, one of the worst goalkeepers in the tournament manning the French goal. But 'Les Bleus' managed to ward off the occassional surges from the Portuguese and theaterics from Christiano Ronaldo - the most overrated player around - to hold on to the lead. The most striking feature of the match was the manner in which Zidane converted the spot kick. There he was standing on top of the ball, as cool as a cucumber, took one step towards the ball and netted it home. He never looked like missing this one. Zizou is back in form. Though he can no way be remembered as a Maradona or a Pele, he does deserve his place alongside the Platinis, Rijkaards and Linekars. That his final international match is a World Cup final is a fitting tribute to the legend.

Figo had the hair, but Zidane had the flair....

ITA vs GER Moments

Grosso's goal

Del Piero in action














Sorrow and Ecstasy















The jubiliant Azzurri















The despondent German heroes: Klinsmann and Klose














Buffon - Champion at the Italian Goal















Jens Lehmann at the other end was not far behind, unfortunate to end up in the losing side
















Pirlo - The FIFA Player of the Match













The impregnable Cannavaro was the Player of the Match, thinks me.....

What a game!!!!

4th July 2006, Dortmund, Germany Match 61 of the FIFA World Cup 2006 - Semifinals - GER 0 : 2 ITA (after 120 minutes of nerve wracking football)

The magnificient stadium at Dortmund

What a game it turned out to be. Before the WC started not many gave a chance to both these teams. Italy torn apart by the club scandal back home and Germany suffering from poor form, which almost cost Klinsmann his job. But during the course of the finals, both teams managed to stamp their class on the tournament and the Germans were considered favourites, following their mind-blowing run in this World Cup. Very little seperated the tewo teams, and it was an even contest al the way. Most of the fascinating battle took place in the midfield. But there were some great attacks by both teams, The Azzurri getting the better of the opportunities, and hitting the bar twice. It all seemed to be heading towards the penalties, and it seemed like it was going to be one of those days when Italy were not just destined to be. They were playing in front of the partisan crowd, created chances, but failed to convert them, unlucky at times and to top it all unlike the Germans, they had a terrible record in WC penalties. But Fabio Grosso had other ideas. With just 3 minutes of the final extra time left, he drilled a terrific Pirlo pass into the net from an angle. What a goal!!!! With it sank the German hopes... To dress it up, Del Piero made it 2-0 in Italy's favour in the last minute of injury time. Italy are through to the finals. Germans, coached by the energetic Klinsmann played their heart out and deserve a third place.

'To win in front of such a partisan crowd is something to tell your grandchildren about. We’ll concentrate on the Final now. We want to win it!' - Luca Toni

Its him !!!

0400 hrs, Airport

Arjun threw the Tropicana pack into the dustbin. He detests the so-called soft drinks, and always prefers packed juice. Tropicana is his favourite. He was careful not to spill the left over juice on the dustbin because it looked so clean. He walked towards the row of check-in counters and found his airline counter. There was one old man and a woman talking to the cute looking airport staff at the counter. There were two counters for Information. He went to counter number 2, as it was manned by a beautiful female. He could see her name on the badge. He enquired about the delay in the scheduled flight. He was informed that the flight is delayed by an hour due to some technical snag. "Varsha, tell me something" he said. "Yes Sir". "Can't they do anything proper in this Goddamn country" he walked away from the counter.

He saw the old couple struggling with their handluggage. He felt sorry for them and walked towards them and helped them carrying their luggage. He took them to the check-in gate and had them seated.He took a seat near by to them.

"You are also waiting for the same flight?" the old woman asked with lot of love.

"Yes Mam" he replied.

She offered him a cookie. He took it and tasted it.

"Thanks for the cookie Mam it is very tasty."

"She always makes the best cookie" the old man told, which made the woman blush.

He kept his bag between his legs and took out a magazine and poured over it.

His attention was brought back to the real world by a child crying. He turned to see a small child was getting beaten by its mother. His fists clenched on seeing the lady's act and he immediately got off from his seat and went to the lady and stopped her act.

"Are you crazy? Such a lovely child" he took the crying child in his arms and kissed it.

The mother angrily took the child back from him gave him a cold stare and went to her seat.

"Crazy people" he shook his head and walked back tohis seat.

The announcement came that the flight was ready for boarding.

He saw people rushing to the boarding gate. He saw the old couple struggling. He helped them get in.

Everybody was seated. The child who was beaten by the lady was now smiling at him. The child had a toy in his hands. The doors shut and the flight started its course on the runway.

"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen. This is the Pilot." the voice came through the internal speakers.

The flight took off without any issues. He sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. He felt uncomfortable wearing it. He walked towards the restroom.

The old lady smiled at him. He smiled back. He walked past the kid and gave a light pinch on its cheek. He looked at the mother of the child and said "Sorry."

He came to the restroom and closed the door. He washed his face, took the paper towel and dried his face. He could still smell the cookies in his hand. He smiled to himself. He removed his shirt. There was a flat plate attached to his stomach. It had a feather touch button with inscription "Press to blast".

He pressed.....

The Greatest Show on Earth

Widely touted as the Greatest Show on Earth, the FIFA Football World Cup 2006 got off to a cracking opening on Friday. Many feel that watching a UEFA Champions League would make for more interesting viewing, since the players gel more with their teammates at their respective clubs where they play throughout the calender, year after year than with their country teammates, with whom they play more often as rivals rather than mates. Though it a valid argument that should be accepted and also the teams are more equally balanced at the club level and the real action in the World Cup starts only after the first round of group matches get over, the sheer passion of the fans makes the WC special.

Few could have asked for a better match to kick off the WC, with Germany taking on Costa Rica. Costa Rica have traditionally been good competitors in the WC finals and here they gave Germans a lot to think about. Its a known fact that defense was Germany's weakest link, but inspite of winning 4-2, Friday's match clearly exposed them and they need to do a lot better if they dream of matching up against tougher opponents. England seem to have a much more balanced side, but even they were a bit unconvincing against Paraguay. But there is something in this English side that makes them a hot favourite for lifting the trophy a second time after 1966.

Brazil, France and Italy are yet to play, but call it anti-incumbency or whatever, I somehow have the gut feeling the Brazil would not be winning this time round. Italy especially would be the team to watch out for. The fact that they are ranked a lowly 13 makes them all the more dangerous, though they will be missing the services of the irreplaceable God of Italian football, Paulo Maldini. They missed out on penalties during 1994 and 1998 and were done in by the referee in 2002. This might just be Italy's WC. So if I am asked to pick a winner, it would be a tough call between Italy, Argentina and England. But who knows, the unpredictable nature of the sport might just pop up an unexpected winner. Lemme know your pick for the winner, and as they say, let the game be the winner :)).

Democracy??

The Government banned the screening of 'Da Vinci Code'. Can you see the wry smile on Mona Lisa's face??